looking forward to happier days

So recently i've been sad; and i don't want to be anymore. So hopefully in the spring things will get better around here. I want my mom to stop putting all of her stress onto me, and then saying "you don't understand". LOL i can understand. You tell me all the fucking time. I get the point, now shut up. Geezuz. Now she wants me to get a job to help her pay for the house. I guess i don't mind doing that, but if i have to give her all the money i make i would be kind of mad. I don't want to seem selfish but i feel like im being selfish by saying that. sigh... Well at least schoolwork isn't as hard as i thought it was going to be. Turns out i actually enjoy ap government, i love all the discussions we have about current events lol. I have so many books to read :P. At least none of them are for school ^___^. I miss my dad, i want to see him soon. But i have a feeling the next time i'll see him will be for either his birthday (march 18th) or my birthday (april 16th). SIGH thats too far. Dave and my mom are getting the divorce finalized at the end of february :/. Wonderous. I love how i can't stop thinking about him. I don't want the last time i saw him to be the last. I want the spring to come so i can lay out on the edge with a flowy dress on, doing nothing. Maybe reading a book. That sounds nice. I would love to figure out my future too. Everyone keeps asking me "WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO" i don't know! T_T i want to know though. I wish i could just have a dream that would tell me my future. Today has been nice so far, its still only noon though so i'll probably post another one of these later again tonight.

caryatid

i'm sad

i feel so...cluttered?

i don't want stress

sigh

i can't do anything about it

i just have to deal and fix it

it really hurts my feelings when people make fun of my hair and actually mean it

i don't mind my friends doing it

but i just don't understand why people will sit there and make fun of me when im not even doing anything remotely amusing

sigh

and i can't do anything about that

and if i try to fix it i'll get beat up -_-

so i have to tolerate it

another snow day

alright so i have another blog
not on here

on a different blogger thing ^___^
haha

it was dans idea

i wrote it all in french

so he won't know what im saying XDXDXDXD

but i'll eventually write in english for him

^___^

it's been another snow day

i guess they're nice

but i kind of want to go back to school

i don't have a car

so i have to stay at home all day and do nothing unless someones steal me

sigh...

i really like these blog things

they're fun :D

caryatid

<3

i love feeling special

snow day

so my mom wakes me up at 5 am
i'm pissed off

she says "SNOW DAY GO TO SLEEP"

i was just kind of like...WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT

let me sleep next time -_-

anyway so i text dan that XD

lolol XD

and then brit texts me

and then i sleep

WHAT A FUN MORNING XD

syke

hotpockets make me so happy ^___^

"if hotpockets were a girl, i'd be a really good lesbian"

XDXDXDXDXD

god i need to leave

caryatid

beginning of new semester

so it's the beginning of the second semester and first period was pretty cool
I've got it with Britt, Paige, Cat, Mason, and other friends. BUT lol emo is in my first period and when i walked in there i just started laughing and said hi to him. SO me, paige, cat, and brit decided to sit next to each other...but then miss Evans had to pull out a seating chart T_T_T_T_T
so now i sit all the way next to the window in a row all by myself with no one next to me.

oh wait Osmund Butt is next to me...but i think he dropped the class

so no one is next to me T_T_T_T it's kind of funny i guess XD

After Algebra II i was really anxious to see what AP government would be like; and on the first day we had a sub XD. fail

So we only read from the book and did some vocab...but it was A LOT of vocab XD

It isn't that bad

i'm not gonna drop it

After AP government i went to honors world history with Pyzik. He's really really cool. I have a feeling that will be my favourite class. He said we don't get any homework :D:D:D:D

Then i went to lunch, and i like my lunch a lot

i had a dream i would have B lunch

and i do have it YAYZ!

LOL so Myth and Folk is such a slacker class XD

i love it ^___^

Im going to start reading The Notebook

just because i feel like i need to read a sad book ^___^

Well last night i wasn't feeling sad at all, but as i started listening to the playlist i have on here I started to cry because "the tide" came on. Every time i hear that song and sing along to it, i just start crying. It reminds me of Dave and my Mom and how i felt everytime they would split. I think one of the lines in the song says

"Ponders his life, and he skips his rocks

And he wonders when his father will return

But he's not coming back"

geezuz, even now im crying and im not even listening to the song XD

it relates to how i felt when my stepdad would always leave us every few months because him and my mom would get into fights. I hated those months when he wasn't there

He's left five times

And the first four times he left i was very sad, cryed everyday because i didn't think he would come back, and then he ended up always coming back.

Well last February he left us again.

And this time i thought, "oh he won't be gone long"

4 months later i started to get a bit worried and asked my mom everyday , "when is he coming back?"

and she never gave me an answer

now i know why

it's almost been a year since he left

6 months since i've seen him

he changed his phone number on us

i don't know where he is

i love him

and i just want him back

caryatid

no stress

FORK YES!!!

i finished AP GOVERNMENT WORK :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

i feel so...relieved i guess?

^___^

as i was reading the book i found this political maxim that i really liked

it said, "Only speak when it improves the silence"

caryatid

rootbeer and hotpockets

i don't feel different

sigh :/

end of first semester

YAY!!! i'm so glad to be out of chemistry :D. So next semester i'm taking Mythology, AP Government, Honors Alg 2, and World History. WONDERFUCKINGFUL T_T_T_T_T_T. I love how i didn't do any of my summer work for AP Government, i may drop the calss, even though i don't want to. I have a feeling this next semester is going to be really awesome since i'm getting my license soon and i'll be 17 in three months ^___^. I kind of want to graduate this year, because i know a few people in my grade are graduating early and they look really really happy lol. Je vais etre heureux ^___^

caryatid

today

i can feel

^___^

sigh

i can't seem to express what i think. For some reason my thoughts are so pure that when i try at putting them into words i end up not explaining myself correctly, and i cry, because my thoughts are good ideas that will never be heard or understood.