Dazed and Confused

These past few weeks of college have pretty much been exactly what the title of this blog post is: Dazed and Confused. Basically I'm confused on life, relationships, the future, and dazed every weekend. Let me clump these things into categories.

Life: Life has got its ups and downs but recently I've been experiencing a lot of long-term downs and temporary ups. I found out that my mom has cancer. I keep failing my Math exams and I'm really worried I won't get into the major I want. These past few weeks have also been some of the most memorable and amazingly fun weeks of my life. Greekweek, $chlongfest, and relay for life being a few. I'm just keeping my optimistic outlook on life because honestly it's so hard NOT to be positive here at JMU. I love everything about the campus and the people in it! Although coming here I've realized i definitely have an identity crisis I have to figure out while I'm at home. But I'm sure I'll get that all settled by the fall :)

Relationships: I'm not sure if I've talked about this boy in here but we're going to call him by his code name "Carl". OK so Carl and I have been talking for awhile. Ever since like February. But lately he's been really confusing me. Like he invited me to his dorm but I kinda rejected his advances when I got there...making him think I don't like him. So we talked and found out we both like each other...then I left. DIDN'T TALK FOR TWO WEEKS MUTHAFUCKA. Well I was bust and so was he but I initiated a lunch last friday and he kept answering his phone and shit during it and had to leave early. I'm a pretty understanding person but if you were busy you could have canceled or something. Anyway, I let it slide. But then it was my birthday and he SAID NOTHING TO ME! REALLY?! If you like someone you should be like thee first person to say happy birthday to them. UGH! So I give up on initiating the conversation. He can be the one to start something. I'm just gonna Keep Calm and Party on. OH! on a side note Ehall stalker got my number and asked me to formal. I rejected him in a classy way...by using a white lie. oopsies...hahaha

the future: So the end of freshman year is almost here and I'm a little nervous. The minute I'm done with school I have to pack for New Orleans for a service trip. After that I go home to work for the summer which will be so nice and relaxing!! And I go back to school a week early in the fall for FROG TRAINING!!! I DID IT!!! I am a FROG and I couldn't be more excited!! I also switched to a SMAD major with a track in Corporate Communication which I still need to apply for by next spring! It's my dream and I want to make it a reality. :). It's awesome! I have Dreams now! I also hope to study abroad in London as a Junior. Possibly have an awesome spring break trip next year and keep calm and party on!!!

Dazed and Confused: Honestly, I party every weekend and I think it's starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong I love it and have a blast but sometimes I just want to chill out do some homework and have a fun sober time hahaha.

Those are my updates! Goodnight!

caryatid

Keep your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds

Right now I’m having this inward struggle with myself. I think it’s with my identity. Who do I want to portray myself as? This sorority girl who’s clean cut? Or the total bad-ass I love to be? I’m stuck between the two. I thought I would be able to balance it out, but it’s starting to be a struggle. Whenever I’m around my sisters I have this feeling that I’m being watched, that I have to act a certain proper way…It’s not that I don’t like the feeling, it’s nice to have some rules in a place where I’m not obligated to have any. But, I really want to get totally totally fucked sometimes. I wanna wear a shit ton of eyeliner and glitter, a baggy see-through shirt, and some galaxy leggings. I want to rage. I want to dance like no one is watching and not remember a thing. I don’t think that’s all too healthy, but I need to legit FSU.

I actually think I’ll be able to balance the two. I’m thinking during the day I can be the sorority girl…and by night I’ll be the raver. Bahahha

Christie by day, Christiana by night.

Lmfao.

caryatid

It's been so long...

Sorry blogger, I have neglected you. Socializing consumes most of my time now. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing yet but I like it all just the same. Well I finished my first semester of freshmen year and now I'm on my first college spring break! Of course, I'm not doing anything cool for it haha. I'm just sitting at home all week catching up on homework I really should of done and sleep I really should of got. I really don't know where to begin with this blog post but I think one thing I need to clear up is Dan.

I can't remember the last time I posted on here, but I just want to write it down. Dan and I are no longer together as of this past November. I needed to do it. Ever since I did that...it was just like a breath of fresh air. I know that sounds selfish, but sometimes you've gotta do things for yourself. And believe me, I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time :). It was a good thing. I'm gonna save all the drama for myself, my blog doesn't need to know it :).

Now onto the present. Academics = So My first semester was FANTASTIC! I got two A's and two B's...but unfortunately I received my first big fat D. I freaked out. I have never gotten below a B in my life. But, I have gotten over it, and now I know that it wasn't just me. It was most of my class...so, I blame the professor.

Social life = I literally never have a moment alone. I'm always meeting someone or doing something with someone else. It's not that I'm obligated to do things all the time, it's just that I always have something to do, so I take the opportunity to do it! This is mostly because of Theta and i am not complaining! I love everything about Theta! I'm so happy that I decided to join even though Dan told me not to. I just want everyone out there who actually reads this thing to know this : Don't EVER let somebody take something away from you that you want. If they say you can't have it...well fuck them! if they say you can't do something, do it anyway. I'm all for being a rebel lately, and I love that about myself :). I'm finally getting back to the old me that everyone loved two years ago and it feels great! College really has showed me what I want out of life and no one is going to get in the way of me getting that! Not even boyfriends.

speaking of boyfriends. Love life = well...let's just say I never thought I would attract this many people in my life. AND IT IS AWESOME! Dan always told me that no other boy would ever like me because of my "shyness" (which I've found out is non-existent...swear to god he brainwashed me). WELL It's not true. I've had the time of my life just playing the field and now I think I might actually like someone :). He's really nice and charismatic and funny and cute...I could go on. But, I'm not so sure he feels the same. Well, I mean he did tell me that he liked me and thought I was cute and so on...but then he just confused me and I don't know if he was just saying that because we may or may not have been drunk...hahaha, but we'll see. I'm pretty confident now that I won't end up miserable and alone bahaha.

I'm going to leave this blog post on one final note to self:

Christie,
Don't ever let anyone come between you and your dreams.
Love, your conscious

caryatid

The College Life

Wow...yea I totally slack on this blog thing. Even though I keep saying "I promise I'll keep up with it!" I'm not gonna lie...I probably never will XD.

SO updates! Today is Dan and I's 2 year anniversary! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY. Too bad I'm not there with him :(. I'm trying to make it home for Halloween...but again I'm not gonna lie. I kinda really really want to stay here at JMU for Halloween. There's so many fun things to do I just wanna experience all that my Freshmen year and not have to go home :P. I would love to go home at any other time besides Halloween though :P Technically I don't even have a ride home for Halloween weekend so we'll see what happens.

Also, apparently there's a Bucket list here of the things you have to do at JMU before you graduate and one thing is to find the tunnels! KELLIE AND I ARE DETERMINED TO FIND THESE TUNNELS. O! I don't think I've talked about Kellie in here. Kellie is not my roommate, she's my hallmate (but might as well be my roommate lol) she's my bff here at JMU :). I love her and she's so silly so we can be stupid together XD. It's awesome.

BIG NEWS. I joined a sorority! I'm in Kappa Alpha Theta. Apparently it was the first sorority in the U.S. and it's a lot of fun so far :) I went camping this weekend with them and our counselor was a British guy! AWESOME!! I ate dinner with a theta girl yesterday, and today I'm eating lunch with a theta girl. You never eat alone in a sorority which is nice. I signed up to live in the house next year so hopefully i get it!

There's one thing I didn't like about coming to college. High school in NO WAY prepares you for college tests or life. I got a C on my first french test which I was really upset about. But I changed my study habits and got a high B on my second :). I had a midterm yesterday that went pretty well :) But I have an art history midterm tomorrow that I'm not too excited about :P. Gonna study ALL day for it :P.

Well I'm going to leave my blog on that note and hopefully...maybe...post at least one other time this month XD

caryatid

There's so much more to come!

This summer has still been incredible! Not a day goes by without my doing something! I had one day to myself and I couldn't bare it anymore so I called up someone and made plans XD. I love being alone but now it just get's boring when I'm sitting at home lol.

I have at least 2 days off a week now! They hired a new snowgirl and I'm doing both snow and produce. Delia's offered me a job at their store. I REALLY REALLY wanted to accept it...but I want to stay with Farmer John's for one more summer and then go intern somewhere or do retail work.

College seems to be coming faster than I thought it would. I was trying to make plans with people but turns out I'm literally busy every single day/weekend in august. IT'S HORRIBLE (but fun :) I want to make time to hang out with everyone like Vero, Amber, and Taylor. I VILL TRY!

Veronica's Birthday is tomorrow!!! I feel bad that Cole is leaving her a few days after her birthday...that SUCKS. I was so happy Cole and her got together because they seemed to be a good match ^__^. WELL Britt's been talking to me about breaking up with Mason because he's selfish and drinks and partys everyday. So she did that yesterday XD.She's a funny one. I hope she's happier without him like she thinks she'll be.

For me, Dan and I are doing fine. I'm really proud of him for getting a job! He works at Canine Country Club now with Casey and he takes care of Dogs alllll day XD. PERFECT JOB FOR HIM!

In the weeks ahead I'm looking forward for Otakon 2010!!! I have everything for my Freya outfit! It's amazing and I look awesome! I'm also going to bring a lighter dress to cosplay as Chi. I figure Bonnie would want a day as Freya and a day as Chi so we can switch off XD IT WILL BE FUN!. Nic is Hideki, Molly is Yuzuki, and Mat is Minoru! We have a cute little Chobits group going! YAY! This will most likely be the best con I have been to yet! I WILL BUY A PLUSHIE THIS YEAR!

ALSO I'm looking forward to going to THE JERSEY SHOREEEEEE with Dan XD. I'm so excited to act like a Guidette XD. Dan rolls his eyes at me because he says that OC, NJ is like a family town not a Guido town...O WELL. CHRISIE'S THE NEW SITUATION BIATCHH. ^_^.

I saw Inception last night and it was the best movie I have seen since Moulin Rouge. My eyes were constantly glued to the screen and the ENDING! was FANTASTIC!! I love everything about that movie and the way it was shot was genius! I bet Christopher Nolan took ten years to write that damn thing! The movie made me think of Architecture again. I've been thinking of good careers and Architect was one I wanted to try years ago...nahhh I don't want to be an architect XD. I'LL BE AN ASSASIN! lolzzz

Well Hopefully I'll actually stick with this blog...I'll try!

caryatid

Summer thus far

MY greatest apologies for the...month long wait :/. There just hasn't been any time (nor computer) for me to update this blog. FRST I'll cover Graduation...

Graduation almost turned into a family crisis -_-. My Dad had decided to invite his gf Daniella. I only have 8 tickets, Daniella would've been the ninth person...See where I'm going? Mom and Dad had a huge fight, so i gave up and asked Vero for an extra ticket to make everyone shut the hell up and happy. She agreed, fortunately, and crisis was averted ^_^ Thank You veronica, I owe you BIGTIME! lol.

Next was Sen1or Week! GREAT TIME. Was staying with Mandi, Sophie, and Amber. Hung out with Vero, Will, Taylor, and Cole most of the time down there. I'm really happy about everything that happened at Senior Week :) It was a time for me to get a taste for what life will be like in College...minus the beach lol.

After Sen10r Week were tons of grad parties, work, and teachers befriending me(or accepting my friend requests) on facebook XD. It's funny that Dan, Eric, and I went to the bar CastleBay and met up with Tedford, Greco, and Butler to watch Tedfords fiance perform. It was a great night though ^_^. Even though I don't do much else but work, I'm having a great Summer. I have good hours. I always have money on me. And I'm just having a great time. One time in particular that I'm not too proud of :P is Mandi's grad party :P.

I didn't intend to get smashed at Mandi's Grad party, I only thought I would get a little tipsy like those nights at Sen10r week :P. WELL I was wrong. I decided to drink a bottle of gin...idk why, it was there, I wanted to try it, and it was good lol. I can't really remember that night too well. But I know one thing, Dan told me I kept repeating myself and people thought I was really annoying. I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people think of/or call me annoying. In middle school, that's all everyone thought of me and in Highschool I was trying to change that and I thought I had. I guess not when I'm drunk -_- I was really upset afterwards because I feel like people won't like me if I act annoying at all, like I used to. Idk how to explain it. Just that I get real upset when I'm annoying...that sounds stupid but whatever :P.

Well besides taht the past two night have been fireworks on the bay! We went to the Kent Narrow Firework on Friday, and last night we went to see the Rock Hall fireworks. They were both real nice but I'm most excited about tonight because it's brittany's 4th of July party. I'm going to buy some glow sticks, and partttttyyyy and parttttty and partttty lol. Paige will be there too I'm happy ^_^.

I'll try to update my bloggy more :P. I apologize for neglecting you bloggy.

caryatid

I'm Not Calling You A Liar

Why do people feel the need to lie to me to protect me? Keeping me from the truth isn't going to make things better, I ALWAYS FIND OUT. So why not just be upfront with me? In the words of Flo "I'm not calling you liar, just don't lie to me." I would really appreciate it if I'm given the truth 24/7 because I don't want a false perspective, I want the real deal. I want to know the bad, the good, the heartbreaking, the evil, the love. I want to know it all. I don't need blinders.

Now that that's off my chest I'm here to say I HAVE FIVE HIGH SCHOOL DAYS LEFT! It's crazy to think about (especially since I have a two page paper due...) and Prom is on Saturday, I have a final on Tuesday, Graduation is a week away and then I'm off to SENIOR WEEK. Mandi, Amber, and Sophie are going to be the best people to go with! We will have a blast! I know it ^__^.

Prom Promise was yesterday. I think it went really well and impacted a lot of kids. People said Mr. Kerr's speech was the one that made them tear up. It was really scary being in the car when they had to pull off the roof and bust the windshield. Pretending to be dead is harder than it looks! All the wounds looked real and I walked around school with it on until I had to go to work. Everyone was asking me what I did to myself XD.

I've been working almost every day lately and have had NO time for practicing ITS stuff. I'm in a dance with Wade. The Little Mermaid! :D. And I'm also supposed to be in a skit with Derrick as a homeschooled boy XD. I'm excited for that one even though I haven't memorized it yet...It'll all work out ^__^.

I'll have to start blogging. Once Wednesday comes along I'll start blogging more...or maybe not until after Senior Week...We'll figure it our :)

P.S. flying through the Sookie Stackhouse books! Onto Number 6! :D loving it. Sookie and I must be the same person.
caryatid

So Unfortunate :(

I have to work at 12, so I'm just blogging about whats been going on lately. Well first off our One-Act won! :D Which is exciting and I'm very happy about that. We get to go on to QAC one acts :).

Secondly, I just found out the date my Prom dress is being shipped...May 28th. AFTER PROM. I'm trying to see if I can have it come any sooner. But if I can't have it come then I'll have to cancel the order and go dress shopping in Virginia. I'm so upset about this. I calculated the date my dress would come and it should be here before prom. I'm so upset and I just really want to find a way to get THAT dress :(. It's really unfortunate because my family spent so much money on it (money we didn't have) just so i could be happy and look pretty. Now I feel like it's all going to waste. I'm just still so upset and I want to cry. I'm praying that there's a way to get this dress! I feel so selfish for asking to order that dress now. But at the time it felt so good and right to be buying it. sigh, win some you lose some.

Well since I have to work soon I'll have to put my mind on other things. I PRAY IT COMES before prom and fits me perfectly!

AP test next week, wish me luck?

caryatid

My Aching Tentacles

Feet and back are hurting but i'm still loving my job :). Working at Farmer John's is going to get me so buff! I have a full day Saturday from 8:30am until close! BOY IS THAT LONG, hopefully Dan comes to visit :). Apparently Snow girls get good tips so I'm hoping that's true on Saturday. Today was a crappy tip day :P.

School works been kinda eh. I get it done, just sometimes not on time...especially for Trig. Ap classes I've got it down but Trig is just so bothersome. And pointless for things i need to do in life :P.

Cary's making some pizza, and I just heard the finish thing ring :D YUM.

I SAT IN GUM TODAY. Completely disgusting; Lyndee found it on me XD. We were laughing like hyenas lol. Might have found my outfit for the one-act. It's going well :D. I'm a bit intimated by Iris and Lyndee since they usually get leads, and I've never gotten anything :P. I'm more hoping that I learn from them, and I think I have :D.

PROM TICKETS ARE 75 DOLLARS WTH?! Apparently there's a dinner and then a dance, it starts at 6 and ends at 12...SIX HOURS AT A PROM?! Don't think that's going to happen :P. Well maybe, ya never know. I know before prom I'm going to Paige's with Dan, but after prom I really want to party! I hope someone invites me to one! :D or maybe I'll have one of my own :D. I can't wait for my dress to come in! I wanna try it on right now :)

Today at work, a lady ordering her snowball asked me if I was on ANTM. LOLOLOL She thought I looked just like the red haired girl that just won, I get so flattered when people tell me that! I am blessed, but I had to work hard to look this way :P. I get angry when people think that I'm naturally like this, when really I have to work my butt off! (not so much anymore, but before I did) After you get to your goal weight it's just so much easier to keep it. I lost all the weight almost 4 years ago and I am so glad! :D

Books: finished Living Dead in Dallas, now onto Club Dead.

caryatid

Farmer John's!

Favourite Florence song of the moment:
There is love in your body but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face that
The sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

I'll be working at Farmer John's Produce stand for the Summer! I'm really excited about this because the people there seem really friendly, and although I would like to work in retail I think that this will be better for me. The Gap called me back today about an interview, and I just called them back and declined. I thought that I would want to work at Gap more...but turns out I'm not feeling that way at all! When I went to the Gap the people in there didn't look very happy. At Farmer John's everyone was so nice! and Friendly! And I'll be working with people I know and that go to our school! So I'm feeling a lot better about working at Farmer John's.

I do feel bad though, I have a lot of things going on this Summer that I'll have to tell them about. Like Senior week, Graduation, prom, one-acts, NC with Dan, Otakon, etc. Hopefully that's it...I don't want to not be able to ever work lol! What's going to be on my mind is snowballs and vegetables! YEEEHAW...cowboy?

ANYWAY! Ordering my pretty pink prom Dress this week and super excited! Yes, it's so important the word "Dress" needs to be capitalized. lol.

Someone I've been admiring lately has been Paige. I think she is just such a true kind-hearted person. She is so sweet and today, she gave Dan and I little gifts from the Florida! HOW SWEET?! She's a cutie :) and I do miss hanging out with her. That's why before Prom Dan and I are going to :D.

MY 18TH BDAY PARTY THIS FRIDAY! YAY! I'm pretty dang excited for it! I haven't thrown myself a bday party since middle school! But the past 2 years I've had surprise partys so that's fun too :).

OFFICIALLY DECIDED A COLLEGE! James Madison University will be honored to see my amazing self walk onto their campus to study in the fall! LOL, I am completely totally not into myself that much XD. I'm just so happy that things are looking up when they weren't looking that way last week :P. THANK YOU GOD! PRAISE THE LORD! HALLELUJAH!

scholarships to do, tata for now!

caryatid

Traveling Endlessly

Yesterday my family came over for Easter. I've always likes Easter just because of the colours and food :). But this year my family was pestering me about college decisions and Prom stuff. And then they were pestering my Mom about a Wedding Dress! Saying things like "You will NOT look good in that one Kim!". I was like "really? You're her mother and you're telling her THAT". They should of said things in a nicer way :(. My Mom already has enough appearance issues, it's awesome that you're adding another one Grandma! :P. sigh. I can't do anything about her mindset though. She acts like I'm the light of the world...which kind of scares me. I mean I like that she doesn't pester me too much, but it's just weird having her be so...nice? to me. Idk what it is, it's like she treats me like God when I don' deserve it. And seeing her treat her daughter like filth makes me feel horrible! I think I'm over-exaggerating this a bit too much, but I don't know any other way to explain how Grandma acts :P. Don't get me wrong she's a sweet lady, it's just when she wants things to go her way...ooooo they better go her way :P.

I'm actually liking the Sun this year :D. I go outside from time to time and just lay down and sunbathe :). It feels really good. I want a little tan for prom, just some colour on me since I picked out my dress! It's a light pink chiffon dress with lace underneath and a slit up the leg, it has cap sleeves going off the shoulders and a little ruffle of flowers on the top. I'M SO EXCITED FOR IT! I have to order it online though :). It's not as expensive as I thought It would be :).

WELL I've found where I'm officially staying for Sen10r week :D. It's with Mandi, Sophie, and Amber :). I need to get that job at The Gap, Walgreens, or Village Bakery so I can pay for everything I wanna do this summer :P. Like Otakon, Sen10r Week, NC with Dan, possibly visit Lily in Cape Cod, and Disney World with Dad. I am going to be so busy this summer I don't know if I can keep a job :( I hope I will be able to though :P.

COLLEGE DECISIONS AHHHH, that is what my mind has been worrying about for awhile. Now that I know all the schools I've gotten into I'm narrowing them down. My top two are JMU and MMC. I think I wrote that in the last blog. O, I didn't get into William and Mary unfortunately :P. ahh well, you win some you lose some :P. My Aunt Shannon brought up to me "How does Dan feel about you going away to college" And I guess I don't really know how he feels, we don't really talk about it. I know that he thinks I'm going to find a new boy in college (which won't happen, I'm not the stupid one *cough cough*). And I know he really wanted me to go to Drexel because it's in Philadelphia where Nic's going to be and I guess Dan is going to try to go to school up there too. I should ask him what he's been thinking about all this college stuff :).

Currently reading Pretties by Scott Westerfield. It's a good series, starts with Uglies :)

caryatid

Not My Cup Of Tea

WOOO!! I got into James Madison University! And after my weekend in New Jersey have found out I also got into Amber's one-act called "Not My Cup Of Tea." It's so funny! My name is Emmie and I'm brainless XD. I LOVE IT. Iris is my sister, Jessica. And Lyndee is my Mama! Dan also got into a one-act as the Chickenman...I can't wait to see that one lol.

Things are looking up! I'm really glad I took a risk and tried out even though I was worried of rejection :P. Because it paid off! Now I'm waiting for William and Mary and they should come in this week, AHHHHHH SO EXCITED FOR THAT TOO. It would be such a blessing to get into that fantastic college :). PRAISE THE LORD I GOT INTO JMU, GMU, MMC, and Drexel! W&M is just my number one. Of course it would come last! lol.

I'm kinda worried about Otakon this year, I don't think I'll be able to go :P. But I'm nott too worried about it. My priorities are One-Acts, Prom, and Sen10r Week right now lol. Dan's Dad invited me to go to North Carolina with them July 4th week. My Mom said I could so that'll be fun! :D

SPRING BREAK STARTS FRIDAY! :D So far I have plans to go to a concert on April 5th to see Florence and the Machine! April 10th for the Cherry Blossom Festival! And April 16th is my BIRTHDAY! the big 18! I wanna have a party for it :D...but I don't know what yet...I've planned the cake I want though! I want a cloud cake! it's going to be so cute! And I'm going out to Dinner that night and YAY SO EXCITING :D.

Today in AP Lang we talked about the film The Graduate. I really liked that movie, and Dr.Wolff asked us about if we think we're "Drifters". I said that even though I have an idea of what I'm doing with my life, and so does my family and friends, that I'm still a drifter because I don't know exactly what will happen to me. And I don't even know what I'll be studying yet in college so YIKES! I need to definitely get on that :P.

Time for scholarships!

caryatid

Sweeter than Heaven, and Hotter than Hell.

Literally all I've been listening to for the past FOUR days has been Florence and the Machine. I. Can't. Stop. Any other bands I listen to now sound like crap compared to Florence and the Machine. They are seriously my all time favourite band.

Well besides that little obsession, the Musical went well. Wasn't as fun as the other ones, but still special since it was the first time we sold out since Joseph. And It's my last high school musical :). I didn't cry at the Cast party (which wasn't as fun as i thought it'd be :P) One-Acts are coming up and I'm going to audition for them! First time auditioning for something...again! lol, i'm excited. But Senior year hasn't really hit me yet :P. Like I won't be doing this stuff at all next year. I'll have my own life, and I'll be able to do pretty much whatever I want. IT ALL SOUNDS SO FOREIGN.

I'm still prom dress shopping. I have a few dresses I really like online, and they're in my price range so we'll see ^__^. I'm really excited about Prom! I want to look the prettiest! :D

Last Thursday I hung out with Amber and Veronica, we walked down the Jetty and took some cool pictures. We also went to 711...where I was asked to the movies...by someone i don't know. Anyway, after that wwe went to Terrapin Park and met up with Sam, Kyle, Nolan, and Jack. Dylan Luke, and TJ were there too...but we didn't hang out with them. It was fun, and I LOVE THAT VERO AND SAM ARE TOGETHER NOW!!! SO CUTE! :D. Cameron's a shithead...that's all i have to say about him :P. It was my Dad's bday! And Mike's bday! WEIRD.

Friday was the Cast Party...which I've already explained wasn't that great :P. I was insulted by Reed, but he didn't mean to be insulting. He just thought calling me "fieriest crotch" was funny. It's not. Anyway, everyone else was insulted too so it wasn't that big of a D.

Saturday was Molly's photoshoot. I was Little Red Riding Hood. I thought it would be a more formal kind of photoshoot, but it really wasn't. I thought Molly would be more into it and get different angles and poses, but whatevs. It was still a lot of fun hanging out with everyone and FREE FOOD! LOL My Dad came down that day as well. We ate food at Harris'. I ate some shrimp because I was still full from Molly's. That night I went to Downtown Annapolis with Dan and Eric and Ken. It was COLD. I didn't think it would be so I didn't bring a jacket. BAD IDEA :P. Ice Cream was good though :).

Sunday I went to the Mall with Casey and Helena, bought two pairs of much needed shoes and saw Alice in Wonderland. That was a great movie! I was not expecting it to be good but it really was amazing! I loved it! I think it might be a new favourite movie :).

Now were onto today, Monday March 22nd 2010 lol. Today is my Mom's 44th birthday :). Well so far I've applied to the Gap outlet and bought her a shirt. We're planning on eating dinner at Rustico's, and i was going to hang out with Eric but he hasn't texted me so :P. Dan got his phone taken away -_- stupidhead :P.

Still reading A Passage to India. I like it more now. The idea that everyone is involved in a bad situation or a good one intrigues me. So does the different perspectives.

Making a PBIS video for French. Really fun :D

caryatid

CRIKEY

It's been a loooong time mates! Lol channeling my inner Steve Irwin. Anyway, the Musical is coming along...better than I thought, sure some scenes sound awful but at least it looks cool :D. Dan's little sister, Mckenzie, gave me these animal bracelets THEY ARE SO NEAT! And entertaining, I have an Elephant and a Cat!

Well last week took FOREVER to get through :P, and then the weekend flew by so fast, this morning I woke up thinking "Where did it all go?!"

Today was bright and sunny, and made me feel pretty good :D. Also new season of Gossip Girl tonight! And I finished the first season of True Blood, can't wait for season two :).

I don't have much to say today except that I've discovered the theory of existentialism...or is it a philosophy? I'm not sure which but I do like the idea. Dr.Wolff can explain it far better than I ever could. So I won't even try XD. Google it? :)

I feel like many happy days are on their way ^__^

caryatid

Sundays

I love coming to Blogger on Sundays because of Post Secret. Even though I don't have many secrets, I still like reading the other peoples. I'm not sure why though. I guess I like the artsy postcards, sometimes the secrets really shock me and make me feel a lot better about myself :/ that's kinda sad to think I guess.

Well yesterday was an all day Q2Q. But apprently we got done early? SCORE, I still stayed til almost 5 because Dan was chit chatting with people. But that's ok, I enjoyed it. And When I got home I ran! I almost ran the entire trail! It's my goal to run it all the way. But It felt good and I'll start running more on nice days ^__^. Then I watched the beginning of 500 Days of Summer, but I wasn't able to finish it because Becky called me and asked if I wanted to come over and pick out our outfits for Hooverville! I was excited :). It was fun, we stopped by Mrs. Darlene's house and Mrs. Zimmerman's and they said we looked better than the actual Hooverville people XD. I can't wait to be in the background. It's gonna be hilarious XD. Then Veronica came over Becky's after work and I saw that she was talking to Dan. I like that Dan likes to help people. sigh, I just can't trust him as much as I thought I could. I'm sorry Dan I really want to, but I still have that "worried" feeling. I don't know how I can get rid of it.

I still wish I could talk about everything and yell at him about how I feel. I don't think I ever told him that. I still want to talk about it, but I think we waited too long. I don't think I'd have anything to say, I'd really have to think about it now since I've kinda tried to put it in the "forget about this" zone. It doesn't stay there though. I'm glad it doesn't. I want to remember.

Today's been a really pensive day. This whole week has been. I want a job more than anything right now. I'm gonna apply to Walgreens ^__^. Maybe I'll do well there.

caryatid

It's like trying to pull open a rosebud

Lately, I've been starting to catch up on my reading! After I finished Portrait of a Lady I read Things Held Dear, Downtown Owl, Blood and Chocolate, and now I'm reading The Lightning Thief. It feels good to get all my reading done :).I went to the Library and checked out six books. All about different things. The one I'm most excited to read is Dune. I feel like it's a mix between Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.

ANYWAY, today I woke up at 7:10 am ON A SATURDAY to do the dance for NYC. It's a really cute dance and I'm glad I'm in it, I just wish I were in other things too :P. The musical's coming along nicer than I thought. Although I hate the outfits XD We have to wear the "We're in the Money" outfits they used for 42nd street :P. It's ridiculous XD and we look like elves instead of Rockettes.

This past week has gone by fast. Every day at school we've had a delay, it's nicer that way a mon avis. French class is fun, we're reading Le Petit Prince. I LOVE IT. The drawings are funny XD. Nothing's been on my mind lately, like I can't think very well this week. sighsighsigh. I went to Zumba for the first time on Thursday and it was a blast! I went with Courtney and it's basically jumping around, shaking your butt, and dancing to hip hop music XD. I LOVED IT!

Tonight Veronica and I are having an old-fashioned sleepover ^___^. I haven't had an official sleepover in a while. Last time was with Casey during December? Gosh, I used to have them once a week. It's a little upsetting, but I don't miss it too too much. I just miss the entertainment. I feel like all my life is at the moment is college, schoolwork, hanging out with Dan, and the musical :P.

caryatid

I've got a thousand opinions

Listening to Kate Nash's "Mouthwash". Great song :). Anyway I found some quotes from The Portrait of a Lady that i really liked. I don't think they'd make much sense to someone who hasn't read the book yet, but I'm still putting them up here anyway. Seriously, go listen to Kate Nash's "Mouthwash" ^__^.

"The truth of things, their mutual relations, their meaning, and for the most part their horror, rose before her like an architectural vastness."
- I really like this simile because it's Henry James commenting on the experience of finally knowing the truth of things. We all go on about our lives without knowing the exact truth of everything. We're ignorant and naive. Everyone has a secret, and when you finally learn about that secret, it's like an "architectural vastness". Those two words are exactly how I feel when I learn the truth. THE EXACT WAY. I never had a word for it, but now I do. Thank you Henry James.

"It was a proof of strength--it was a proof that she should someday be happy again. it couldn't be that she was to live only to suffer; she was still young, after all, and a great many things might happen to her yet."
- This relates to the way I think of suffering because when a horrible thing happens, I try to be optimistic and think,"this won't last for long, I'll get over it and move on. I will have an amazing life." But the next quote that comes right after this is like a "BUT"

"Then she wondered if it were so vain and stupid to think well of herself. When had it ever been a guarantee to be valuable? Was not all history full of destruction of precious things?"
- I'm very doubting as well. I just liked how this came right after the quote above.

"Don't question your conscious so much, it will get out of tune like a strummed piano. Keep it for great occasions. Don't try so much to form your character--it's like trying to pull open a rosebud. Live as you like best and your character will form itself."
- Advice from Ralph to Isabel. This quote is like saying, "Don't try to hard" or "Just let the good times roll" or "Just be yourself." I personally like it because it's really great advice! And I liked the simile with the piano and rosebud :).

"Why should I be so afraid of not doing right? As if the it mattered to the world whether I did right or wrong!"
- I can be self-conscious, and sometimes I tell myself this just so I can get through something. I'm just always on edge about what people will think about me. I feel like I can relate to Isabel a lot..

"Jealously is a symptom of happiness"
-I think this to be completely true. At first I did not understand this quote at all. But jealously really is a symptom of happiness. If you're jealous of someone that's hanging around your boyfriend then you must be in love! And if you aren't jealous...then you probably aren't truly in love with them. When I first started dating Dan he would always ask me if I was jealous of anyone and I would always say "nope, I trust you". HA. Anyway, that started to change, and I became jealous of others. And this was around the time I first told him I love him. So I completely believe that jealousy is a symptom of happiness.

Looking at what I wrote and trying to explain why I chose these quote makes me DESPISE the way I write. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I have these thoughts in my head that completely make sense, and when I try to get it out on paper or talk it out...it just doesn't work or sound the same way. UGH this is a huge problem of mine and it hasn't always been this way. I remember a time when I used to be AWESOME and I could speak beautifully. I have no idea what happened -_- sigh.

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got mixed up memories
and I've got favourite places

This is my face
I've got a thousand opinions
and not enough time to explain

This is my brain
it's tortuous analytical thoughts
make me go insane

caryatid

Valentine's Day

Last night was Melissa's party! I'm really glad I was able to go to it this year because I had missed her 16th birthday to go to the Hyatt with Paige, Catherine, and Brittany. Wow, it's kinda hard to believe that was all the way back in 2008. Good year. Kinda...The day after i got back from the Hyatt I planned on going skiing with the church. It was a blast! But when I got home...a few hours later Dave and my Mom got into a huge fight. It was screaming/yelling/crying/throwing...just really loud. I had to go to my room and Cary wasn't there. He was at Tyler's or something. But we all went to sleep and the next day I woke up and they were at it again. Then, he left. Packed up all his things, broke their wedding picture, and left. He barely said goodbye to me. I hate him. He broke my heart. And of course my mom's. Ha I had convinced myself it was all my Mom's fault when it happened :P. It wasn't, I just wanted someone to blame. Dave had left us lots of times before, I think the most was 5. But he always came back, the first 5 times I thought he wouldn't ever come back, but he always did. This time I convinced myself that he WOULD come back...I really wish I didn't, because he never did come back. He talked to me the first few months...barely. I guess it just hurt too much and then he stopped. And I haven't heard from him since. I really miss him. I don't know why this all came out on Valentines Day, but this is just what I was thinking of as I went to sleep last night. I think he did this right after Valentines Day. Even though I said I hate him, I really don't, I love him a lot still. And I just hate what he did.

Changing Subject. Well, I made Melissa this really cute card XD and everyone made fun of it...but for fun, like they were laughing with me...I hope. And after most everyone left, itw as just Brittany, Dakota, Amber, Alex, Melissa, Mandi, Jen, and I. We were like an Old Ladies Bookclub XD. It was hilarious!! I don't think we ever stopped laughing! Even throughout the Time Traveler's Wife we laughed XD. It was ridiculous but really really fun. I wish I could have stayed longer, but my mom wanted me home. I hope to hang out with everyone again sometime ^__^.

Well, for Valentines Day today I should be hanging out with Dan sometime...lol. I don't really know when yet. I wanted to this morning, but I was off schedule. I'm really happy I'm still with Dan. I love him so much! And anything he could ever do wouldn't change my mind. ^__^.

caryatid

Snow Week!

Dang we have off ALL WEEK LONG. This is good for me :D, I have a paper due whenever I get back to school that I have yet to start on XD. LOL. That's not funny...Anyway, today I decided to look up student life at MMC and what I found made me wanna go there even more! I really think that's where I should be :D I told my Mom that I have 2 friends that go there that went to KIHS and now that she knows people from my school are going there she feels better about it XD.
When I was younger I always dreamed of living in NYC but never thought it could ever happen. Now that I have the opportunity to, I feel so EXCITED. Right now I feel like I AM going to MMC come this fall! I know I'm not yet, but it just feels like it when I research the school :). And It feels good. Living there would give me so many more opportunities that I wouldn't have living anywhere else.
ANYWAY, this snow is starting to get realllll old. Especially since I don't have any snow clothes (IT NEVER SNOWS HERE!). My Grandad seems to think that Maryland is a really cold place to live and that we're used to this kind of snow XD He should know that isn't true since he lived in Virginia like forever XD. I guess he forgot. Old peopleeee lol.
Annie is gonna be SO BAD. With all these days off NYC practice has been canceled and it's apparenlty "The biggest part of the show" LAME FAIL SHIT FUCK ASS DICK BLAH. I hate the musical :P
Right now Dan and Jimmy are writing a story for Blogger? But I'm not allowed to read it -_-. DETERMINED TO FIND IT!

caryatid

Obsessed

Well, not exactly obsessed but I was a HUGE fan of this model, Gemma Ward. She was what I wanted to be when I was younger (as in middle school) and I wanted to look exactly like her, act exactly like her, and do what she does. I really just wished I was her. LOL Once I got into high school I just never really looked her up anymore in magazines, I kinda gave up on fashion because my family told me to give up on it, that it wasn't something I could actually succeed in. Now I know they were wrong, but it's already too late for me I think :P.
ANYWAY, so today I was like "HMM, I wonder what work Gemma's been doing lately" Come to find out she hasn't done anything since 2008! Because she was Heath Ledger's girlfriend and after he died she just stopped working, and gained some weight (I mean she looks healthy, just not modely anymore. yaknow?). It made me realize how much I've missed! I still know some things about fashion but NOTHING about the people behind it all. I'm gonna start working on that again XD. O! And I was trying on different outfits today that would look interesting together...I guess they would be considered "INDIE" but to me they're just cute! :D So imma wear em to school ASAP.
Damn all this snow, I was really looking forward to Valentines day but now we have school the day after? :P SUCKS. Anyway, whenever I look through a magazine or editorial, I always get inspired to start working on new outfits XD. I can't wait to buy loads of magazines once I have some moulaaa.

caryatid